Hello, all you tech-savvy people out there! This letter is for all of you who are hungry to create, develop, and distribute the next big tech breakthrough to every corner of the globe. To each of you who firmly believes in the ideals of technological development: that technology shapes a better and brighter world for all of mankind. To all of you whose ambition and imagination are going to drive the tech future forward… Please stop.
I don’t want this to come off as overly confrontational. In fact, I am not happy with having started this letter in the way that I have, but I only have 500 words to plead my case, and so I must cut right to the point. We have to stop developing technology. For the love of whatever robot god you believe in, just stop.
Here’s the thing, I know that it all makes perfect sense to you. Your minds work this way. When the computer erases the document I’ve been working on for the last hour and takes me back to my desktop for no apparent reason, you know that the answers lie within the ones and zeros; that somewhere in that binary wasteland below the fancy typewriter I’ve been hammering away at, there are explanations that must simply be found and then all will be right again. But for the rest of us, these are nightmarish mysteries that will never be understood. Now, take this one example of high-tech mystification and run it nonstop, during every waking hour of every foggy, confusion-laden day. This cumulative befuddlement is more than I can bear, and I must insist that it cease, immediately.
I’m not asking you to put anyone at risk. Please, continue to develop medical technology that saves lives and video game technology that saves nerds from the discomfort of talking to people of the opposite sex – but that’s it. Other than those two specific industries, all other technological development must cease. Just let me catch up. I finally felt comfortable with Myspace, and then Facebook takes over, and now I have deal with Instagram? There are so many different icons to understand. How do people have the time for this? And why is Facebook’s event page feature still so archaic? Hone your craft before moving on, technologists, that’s all I’m saying.
There are other people in the world and you tech types are really coming off as bullies these days. I don’t need a back-up camera on my car, I can just turn around and look. I don’t need a better iPhone, mine is so incredibly capable and also wildly confusing. I don’t need one more invention of computerized wizardry that claims to make my life so much better, but in truth only makes it slightly, barely at all, just kind of a tiny bit better, but not even really, because all of the time and mental energy I have to spend trying to integrate it into my life is going to cause me a heart attack someday, I swear.
Now, I assume that this letter is enough. I’m sure that I will wake up tomorrow to a world that moves slower, and with far fewer complications. Honestly, it’s my fault for not writing sooner. Thank you for all that you have done and all that will now stop doing, technologists. You are truly humanitarians.
*sent from my iPhone*